Things that Restaurants Do that Annoy the Hell Out of Me

1. Tell me you’re “slammed” when I call to make a reservation. Worse still, be smug about it. As the customer, I could give a rat’s ass that you’re “slammed”. I want to eat there. I want your help: not your immature condescension. So instead of telling me how “slammed” you are, tell me you’ll try like heck to fit me in later in the evening. Or ask me if I’d mind sitting at the bar. Inevitably, the day will come when you’re not “slammed” and your customers will remember. (There are many restaurants in Austin that get this ostensibly simple point; alas, there are many others that do not.)

2. Have your wait person rattle off all the night’s specials (if there are more than two). There’s a new invention called the Laser Printer. Instead of making the poor server regurgitate a seemingly endless list of the night’s specials, print them out and insert into the menu. Then you won’t have a situation where the customer is saying “what was that 4th dish you mentioned again??”

3. Having teen age girls answer the phone. Now I adore teen age girls. I raised two of them. But many restaurateurs need to realize that sometimes the first and only line of communication between them and a potential customer is whoever answers the phone. I’ve called restaurants that have sweet young things answering the phone: unfortunately, sweetness does not equate to knowledge, maturity, or ability to communicate.

Have someone answer the phone who is knowledgeable about the menu, the hours, and you know, the important stuff. I called a restaurant the other night and asked the sweet young thing about the fish special. She paused for a second and then said, “Well yes, we’re very special.”

Another pet peeve on a related note is for Asian restaurants. Given the fact that the vast majority of your customers are probably going to be American, would it not be reasonable to have someone answer the phone who knows how to speak ENGLISH?????

4. Menus that are the size of the Buda phone book. I agree with Tony Bordain on this one. Give me a restaurant where the chef has a small number of dishes that he/she is passionate about. I want to know that I am getting the very best that this professional has to offer. I don’t want to have to choose from 34 salads (a la The Cheesecake Factory) or 18 different Cajun pastas. Give me a break!

5. Servers who are not fully conversant with the menu. Research shows that most customers do not spend more than two minutes with the menu. They often rely on the server for advice and recommendations. It really irks me when the server can’t recommend a dish because they haven’t tried it! Why haven’t they tried it? It’s the responsibility of a good restaurant to let the servers sample everything.

Even worse is at higher end restaurants where waiters can’t pronounce the names of certain dishes. When Joe DiMaggio’s opened at the Domain, our waiter stumbled through the pronunciation of several dishes. He was uncomfortable and we were uncomfortable.